Suggestions on how to treat your adult children

by | Counseling, Raising Children | 3 comments

Suggestions on how to treat your adult children:

1. The majority of the time that you are talking with your adult child, you should be doing the listening, not the talking. Real and attentive listening. Respectful listening — not appearing to be listening or thinking about what you need to be doing next or what you want to say next, but real listening.
2. Talk to your adult children in the same way which you would talk to any of your peers. Your body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, language, and level of respect should be the same as what you use with your peers.
3. There must be trust. The members of a family must trust each other. Without mutual trust there can be no family peace, order, fellowship, respect, or communion.
4. Address the concerns of your adult children in a timely manner. Don’t continue to put off resolving issues or acting on matters, but have enough respect for your adult children to move forward, making decisions promptly on issues which are important to them. Don’t be eternally saying, “Well, I’m praying about it.”
5. Avoid exaggeration — it undermines trust and respect. Exaggeration is a learned behavior and your children will most certainly adopt the behavior if they see it in you.
6. If children are exposed to a steady stream of negativity and criticism, leveled against them or against others, it will undermine their trust and confidence in you, and it will interfere with their ability to respect you. When the parent is negative and critical, his intended result is that the child will become more discerning and careful. But in actuality, the effect of steady negativity and criticism is usually the opposite — it serves to pull down and inhibit growth, and causes the child to not take the parent seriously.
7. It is most likely that at some time in his life and in some area of his life, your adult child will disagree with your views on different issues, be it politics, how to handle money, nutrition, music, dress, courtship, or (gasp!!) theology. Have enough respect for your adult child to discuss these differences in the same way that you discuss differences with your peers.

Laurie Bluedorn


  1. Salena Tucker

    I have a 15 year old son…at what point do we begin to transition to this ‘he’s my brother in the Lord’ relationship?

  2. K. H.

    Thank you.

    I needed this. While my 16 year old isn’t an adult, we are having some struggles, and I can see how some prayerful attention in some of these areas would certainly help.

    I will pass this along to my husband too, especially in regard to our two older sons who still live with us.

    With the kids who have moved out, this all seems fairly natural, but with those still home, we definitely need this reminder and encouragement.



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