Here are some of the winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one Carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

3. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies Yes, I’m positive.

4. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

6. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ….A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

7. There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!


  1. Patti Christianson

    “He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.” From “Pun of the Day”

  2. Steve Comer

    Along the lines of the hydrogen atoms item above: Two neutrinos came into a restaurant. The Maitre’d said, “We don’t serve your kind here.” They said, “That’s OK, we’re just passing through.’


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