Please don’t wait till the kids have all moved out before you implement these suggestions

by | Homeschooling, Raising Children | 6 comments

Suggestions on how to treat your adult children.

1. The majority of the time that you are talking with your adult child, you should be doing the listening, not the talking. Real and attentive listening. Respectful listening — not appearing to be listening or thinking about what you need to be doing next or what you want to say next, but real listening.

2. Talk to your adult children in the same way which you would talk to any of your peers. Your body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, language, and level of respect should be the same as what you use with your peers.

3. There must be trust. The members of a family must trust each other. Without mutual trust there can be no family peace, order, fellowship, respect, or communion.

4. Address the concerns of your adult children in a timely manner. Don’t continue to put off resolving issues or acting on matters, but have enough respect for your adult children to move forward, making decisions promptly on issues which are important to them. Don’t be eternally saying, “Well, I’m praying about it.”

5. Avoid exaggeration — it undermines trust and respect. Exaggeration is a learned behavior and your children will most certainly adopt the behavior if they see it in you.

6. If children are exposed to a steady stream of negativity and criticism, leveled against them or against others, it will undermine their trust and confidence in you, and it will interfere with their ability to respect you. When the parent is negative and critical, his intended result is that the child will become more discerning and careful. But in actuality, the effect of steady negativity and criticism is usually the opposite — it serves to pull down and inhibit growth, and causes the child to not take the parent seriously.

7. It is most likely that at some time in his life and in some area of his life, your adult child will disagree with your views on different issues, be it politics, how to handle money, nutrition, music, dress, courtship, or (gasp!!) theology. Have enough respect for your adult child to discuss these differences in the same way that you discuss differences with your peers.



  1. Heather

    Thank you for caring for us, your readers, to give us wisdom! May the Lord bless you.

  2. Patty

    Wonderful advice for this mama of an 18 year old.

  3. Erika

    What about when you think your adult son/daughter
    Is not doing the right thing under God, when you see he/she is
    In sin??? How to address this situations??

    • LaurieBluedorn

      First you would go to them in the same way you would go to someone in your church or to one of your friends — with humility and kindness — and discuss it with them. That would be my first step. What is it the child is doing?

  4. Julie

    That’s good advice I wish we followed better. I like the picture. It’s also a joke – with age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone. 😉

  5. helene

    or with ur adult child in sin, u had ur chance to address this issue and didnt. or u did and he/she didnt receive it. to badger them at this point wud probably be useless. like any other person u are not responsible for, address it once and then let it alone. u may have to disassociate with them if its extreme but as long as they will have u for a friend, let them talk to u and hang out. i just wudnt fellowship with them per se like any other friend i had who was overt sin. if its just a matter of headship, remember, u are NOT his/her head anymore.


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